A Woman of a Certain Age

USC Davis School of Gerontology doctoral student Maria Siciliano puts a vibrant face on 50
By Jonathan Riggs

Maria Siciliano

The floral crown—purple and white, intricately woven—shone in Maria Siciliano’s dark hair. After chemotherapy, it had grown back thick, wild, exuberant.

Above you are the stars
Below you are the stones
As time does pass, remember...
Like a star should your wisdom be constant.
Like a stone should your wisdom be firm.

In the dusky light of USC’s Little Chapel of Silence, the School’s Assistant Dean, Maria Henke, read the words, which rang out in the quiet warmth of that sacred place.

Be understanding.
Be wise.
Have patience.
Feel free in giving advice and guidance
For your years of experience have crowned you as a wise woman.

Women of the staff, faculty and Ph.D. student body of the USC Davis School of Gerontology filled the creaking wooden pews, smiling, applauding, wiping away a tear or two.

They had seen Siciliano’s trademark strength tested; they had seen her nearing her limits. And in return they had stepped in: helped with paperwork, with research, with kind words and lovely gestures at once miniscule and magnificent.

Spearheaded by Henke, this special croning ceremony was intended to honor Siciliano’s powerful spirit as well as the wisdom she had accumulated in her 50 years on earth, tapping into the ancient, magic-tinged tradition of women celebrating other women.

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In fact, the unique challenges, stereotypes and perceptions faced by aging women since the beginning of time—as well as Siciliano’s own journey—inspired her to take the reins in reviving a diversity class, GERO 435m: Women and Aging.

“I’m looking forward to talking with students to get their perceptions on aging women—and aging men—and to show them what’s happening to women as they age in terms of their health, careers and relationships,” Siciliano said. “There is sexism and ageism in America, but there are also more opportunities for women, especially right now, in 2011 than there were in 1961, when I was born.”

Challenging stereotypes, dismantling preconceived notions and analyzing the media’s tendency to ignore or minimize aging women are all on Siciliano’s syllabus, but the chance to build relationships with students, to explore their thoughts and ideas and to spark their excitement for learning are what really thrill her about the upcoming course.

“It’s not going to be dry or boring—I have passion for the subject matter and for teaching,” she said. “I’m honored to teach this class, and to bring in some of my real-life experiences. I’ve been through things and survived them.”

It’s true: after making the major decision to pursue her Ph.D. in gerontology in her late 40s, Siciliano was diagnosed with breast cancer. True to form, she stayed focused and strong—albeit in a state of shock—undergoing a lumpectomy, lining up a reconstructive plastic surgeon, completing chemo, and then undergoing a double mastectomy last March. Four months after Siciliano’s surgery, she received another blow when her mother died. When the weight of it all threatened to become too much, it was the support of her USC Davis School colleagues, mentors and friends that kept her from capsizing.

Stretched thin, one afternoon she confided her weariness in Maria Henke, who seized upon the idea of holding the croning ceremony.

“‘Crone’ seems like such a negative term,” Siciliano said, “but Maria has an extensive knowledge in this area and she knew it was really about celebrating the wisdom one has acquired throughout life.”

During the ceremony, Henke gave Siciliano three small stones, representing the past, present and future: where she’s been, where she is and where she’s going.

“It really changed how I look at myself: a crone is a positive image who can be a benefit to other women in society,” Siciliano said. “The ceremony made me realize that I have a wealth of knowledge and that I should be more self-confident about it. The experience was very life-affirming and a major life milestone for me.”

Sharing the beauty of the ceremony and its deeper meanings subsequently became a passion of Siciliano’s, who says she looks forward to gaining wisdom from the unique perspectives of her students as well as sharing the lessons she has learned.

“I used to be worried when I was going through chemo: is the cancer going to come back? Now I’m not worried. There’s nothing I can do about it, which is freeing. You have to let go of control,” she said. “During chemo, I met a young woman who’s 38 with stage 4 cancer, and she’s still a practicing psychologist. What I really learned was how important it is to live your life to the fullest, to have adventures, to be open to all the experiences. I’m excited to share that with my students.”

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The attendance at the croning ceremony was the best kind of white witchery: it was lighting a candle in the darkness, it was offering up well wishes and prayers, it was coming together as one to celebrate the magic and the mystery of the life force itself.

More than just as esteemed colleagues or professors, these women were moved to honor Maria Siciliano on her 50th birthday: a survivor, a scholar, a sister.

There was no mistaking the gratitude on her face for everything she had been given, for the opportunity to continue to learn, to teach, to grow and to guide. Behind her glasses, Maria Siciliano’s eyes were suspiciously bright.

May Maria’s presence among us bring gladness and beauty.
May her life be a blessing to all those she encounters.
May she travel her path with heart,
And rejoicing, reach the end of her soul’s desire.

“All present here offer to you, Maria, our blessings for your future happiness,” Henke read aloud as Siciliano and all the women stood as one: tearful, joyful, beautiful, hopeful.