Articles
Grief and Loss
Grieving can be difficult, painful, and emotionally exhausting. Because of this, you may feel that it is best to put your loss behind you as quickly as possible, to be strong and to get on with your life. But suppressing grief doesn’t make you stronger or more capable of handling life. On the contrary, unresolved grief can lead to serious emotional or physical problems. If left unresolved, grief can lead to depression, anxiety, sickness, alcohol or other drug use, or even suicide.
It is important to recognize the difference between normal sadness and grief. Normal sadness is your emotional response to most losses, disappointments and frustrations in life. When you experience this normal sadness, you are able to:
Describe why you are sad
Respond to your environment in a normal way
Get over your sadness in a relatively short period, usually less than a month.
Grief is an intense emotional and psychological response. The grief and mourning process associated with the loss of a loved one often has the following three stages:
1.Shock and Disbelief
During this stage there may be a wish to deny the importance of the loss. Events may seem unreal and you may feel numb at first. This may last a very short time or as long as a few days. During this time you deal wit your need to deny the loss. Common behavior in this stage includes crying, showing anger, even screaming. You should allow yourself these expressions of your feelings.
2. Developing Awareness
During this stage, awareness of the loss settles in. You also notice the consequences of your loss. Mood swings are common. During this time you should share your feelings, especially with family members and compassionate friends. Direct your efforts toward caring for yourself and planning positive lifestyle changes. This stage may last 3 to 12 months. It usually includes the following:
Preoccupation with the loss
Anxiety and restlessness
Difficulty sleeping
Physical symptoms including loss of appetite, digestive problems, and fatigue
Anger
Guilt
Identification with the lost loved one
Occasional experiences of thinking you have seen the person who has died or hear his or her voice
3. Resolution
Resolution may begin anytime from 3 to 12 months after the loss. You may begin to recover by incorporating new habits and lifestyle changes and by making plans for the future. Gradually you will begin to take charge of your life and resolve the loss through activity, readjustment, and education.
How to Cope
Throughout these states, the following are way to help deal with encounters of grief and loss:
Engage in 20 minutes or more of physical activity at least every other day
Pursue recreational interests at least once or twice a week
Make time for hobbies and listening o music
Have talks with family and friends—talk is the most important healing medicine—resist the tendency to isolate
Practice daily progressive relaxation exercises (tensing and relaxing muscle groups to relieve tension and anxiety)
Practice breathing exercise during times of high stress
Get 6-8 hours of rest a night
Eat balanced meals, even if you don’t want to
Avoid an increase in alcohol intake
Help co-workers as much as possible by sharing feelings and checking out how they are doing
Give yourself permission to feel rotten and share your feelings with others
Keep a journal; write your way through sleepless times
Don’t make major life changes
Do make as many daily decisions as possible, which will give you a feeling orf control over your life
Recurring thoughts, dreams or flashbacks are normal. Don’t try to fight them. They will decrease over time and become less painful
See a counselor—visit a place of worship—consider a support group.
You can also try asking for help at home and work when they load is too much to handle. Seek professional help for dealing with life events that produce anxiety to learn positive methods of coping.
Web Resources:
www.aarp.org/griefandloss/articles/15_a.html
www.planetpsych.com/zPsychology_101/griefandloss.htm
www.shpm.com/articles/loss/phases.html
Literary Resources:
Healing After Loss: daily meditations for working through grief, Martha Whitmore Hickman
Life after Loss: a personal guide dealing with death, divorce, job change and relocation, Bob Deits
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