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Articles
Taking Advantage of Ridiculous Teen Comments Part II, Sexuality and Drug Use
By Jason Sackett, LCSW
Although teen attitudes about sex and drugs can feel disturbing to parents, getting teenagers to talk openly ultimately proves invaluable, because their comments
often reveal inaccurate and unrealistic views. The following remarks may seem absurd and scary. However, thinking about how many kids have similar thoughts—but
never express them—is even scarier. Thanks to some teenagers who spoke openly with me, parents can become alert to warped views, educate their children, and
help them develop more realistic perspectives.
Sex
- “I’m a virgin. I just do oral sex now and then.”
Two words: Bill Clinton. Teens are entitled to get technical in their definition of sexual relations and virginity, but let’s get real. Oral sex is a sexual act by
any definition, and can impact emotions, relationships, legal status (e.g. in cases involving sex with a minor), and health in the form of exposure to sexually transmitted
diseases.
- “I don’t have to use protection. I won’t get HIV or Herpes. That only happens if you have sex with losers.”
I’m not going to react to the judgmental nature of this comment, but I still must ask: How do you know if someone is a loser before you have sex with them?
Even if I listen to the adolescent logic that having an STD makes someone a loser, I can argue that it’s possible to appear cool (i.e. not a loser) and still have an STD.
Did anyone think Magic Johnson was a loser before he went public with his HIV diagnosis? What about Rock Hudson? Easy E? Generally speaking, people don’t
contract STD’s because they have sex with losers, but because they have sex without taking adequate precautions.
- “If she goes out with me, she’s willing.”
Sometimes teenage clueless thinking has a humorous side, but not in this example. Give this one back tough and direct: agreeing to a date is not consent
for sex. Tell him to ask any lawyer if doesn’t believe you.
- “If I get pregnant, it’s no problem. My parents will take care of the baby.”
Despite the hint of truth to this—that you would support your teen’s efforts to care for a child—she is in dire need of a reality check. First, she must
understand that getting pregnant as a teenager is still a problem, a BIG problem. More importantly, she must not take support for granted, nor assume her parents will
carry a majority of the child raising responsibility. Teens must learn to expect that their lives will change drastically with a baby. What better motivation to prevent
pregnancy?
Drugs
- “Everybody has to try drugs. If you don’t, you’ll always look back and wonder what you missed.”
Really? Are you willing to put money on it? I’ll bet you $10 you can’t find ten people over age 30 who have never tried drugs and feel like they missed out on
a valuable experience.
- “I’ll never get busted. Sure, none of the people in prison for drugs ever expected to get caught, but what about all the people not in prison who
never got caught. They said they’d never get caught, and they never did.”
First, despite those who have managed to escape detection, millions have still been caught—millions—and people operating under the radar can still get
busted at any time. Furthermore, many people arrested and sentenced for drug violations are grateful in the end, pointing out that the suffering they experienced in prison
was the only thing that saved them and helped them return to a productive life. However, son (or daughter), is this really the route you want to follow?
- “Trying drugs just once can’t hurt you.”
This is teenage invincibility talking, and you can cite many examples that prove this belief untrue. If you perform a Google search using “teen first time drug death,”
you will get about 150,000 hits.
- “Only weak people get addicted to drugs or alcohol.”
You mean weak people like doctors, judges, professional athletes (Lawrence Taylor, Ricky Williams), congressmen (take your pick), and heads of state
(Boris Yeltsin)? No one can predict with certainty the effect substances will have on them, or how vulnerable they may be to developing an addiction.
Once you have finished groaning and wincing, try to appreciate the advantages you have after reading these ridiculous teen comments. First, if your child utters something
similar, the comment won’t strike you as completely original, and therefore will feel less shocking. In addition, you will be prepared with an effective response. To take full
advantage of this article, if you ever hear your teen make such a remark, you can respond, “Thank you so much for trusting me and sharing your opinion. Since you brought
up this topic, I think we can have a really interesting conversation.” Then set the kid straight.
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Jason Sackett is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Employee Assistance Professional with the
USC Center for Work and Family Life.
For more information, contact the Center at (213) 821-0800, or visit www.usc.edu/dept/socialwork/cwfl/.
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