PRESIDENT'S MESSAGE

The March luncheon honoring the 2008 staff retirees was a huge success.  A big THANK YOU to Louise Ball and her committee.  We appreciate Todd Dickey's financial support for this event.  Even though he had a plane to catch, he arranged his schedule to have his photo taken with the honorees in attendance and offered remarks on behalf of the USC administration thanking the retirees for their service.  We are pleased to announce that Dick Martin was honored as the first recipient of the J. Tillman Hall Award for Service to USC by a retired member of the staff.

Hopefully, many of you will be attending the final celebration of the Emeriti Center's 30th birthday on April 3.  There are two intergenerational panels scheduled and a luncheon with an ice cream social.

Our April 4th afternoon at "Brigadoon" is a sell-out.  Thanks to Dick Martin for another SRO event.

ANNUAL MEETING AND ELECTIONS:  Our next event is the June 8 Annual Meeting and election of officers.  I hope many of you plan to attend.  RSVPs go to emeriti@usc.edu or 213-740-7122.  Lynn Williams has planned a program that should be fun and helpful: "chair dancing."  We will begin at 10 a.m., enjoying this painless way to get some exercise.

Elections and lunch will follow the program.  The good news is we have some terrific members who are on the slate.  However, you will note one empty spot: President.  It has been a pleasure serving these past four years, and I can recommend that one of you would enjoy either one or two two-year terms.  You have the honor to represent our retired staff on the Emeriti Center Executive Committee and as an ex-officio member of the Retired Faculty Association Board.  Don't be nervous about stepping up, as your presidency will be YOURS.  Every president shapes the position as fits the person's interests and vision, and delegation is certainly possible for attending some events/meetings.  I would be happy to talk with any of you who might have questions (310-842-7544).

TROJAN ENCORE:  We introduced our "new" and "improved" Trojan ENCORE program at the March 19th luncheon.  Our retirees can access a Web page directly to enter their information regarding USC experience, availability, and skills directly.  Login to <www.sites.google.com/site/trojanecore> and click on "For Job Seekers."  Then, fill in the blanks and send it off.  We also ask for you to email a 1-2 page resume as an attachment to <encore.emeriti@gmail.com> or fax one to 213-740-7120.  If you have questions or problems entering the system, please email me at <cgustin@usc.edu> or call me at 213-740-8921 on Monday or Friday mornings.

This is a program in which several USC units have expressed an interest, but we need retirees to be willing to fill part-time and/or special program needs for it to work.  Retirees will be contacted by hiring managers and together they determine the length of service, compensation or volunteer basis of hire, and all other details.

Carole Gustin, <cgustin@usc.edu>


FROM OXYMORONICA BY DR. MARDY GROTHE (HARPERCOLLINS)

Meetings are indispensable when you don't want to do anything.
--John Kenneth Galbraith

A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's printed on.
--Samuel Goldwyn

Nobody goes there anymore.  It's too crowded.
--Yogi Berra

As for consulting a dentist regularly, my punctuality practically amounted to a fetish.  Every twelve years I would drop whatever I was doing and allow wild Caucasian ponies to drag me to a reputable orthodontist.
--S. J. Perelman

Jews don't drink much because it interferes with their suffering.
--Milton Berle

It's not that I'm afraid to die.  I just don't want to be there when it happens.
--Woody Allen

Modesty is my best quality.
--Jack Benny

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
--George Burns

If there is a 50-50 chance that something can go wrong, then nine times out of ten it will.
--Paul Harvey

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
--Bob Hope

We learn from history that we do not learn from history.
--Georg Hegel


URLS THAT MAY MEET A NEED

Need to find a gift for someone?  Try here: <www.elsewares.com/commerce/>

Here's a place to buy and sell all things handmade: <www.etsy.com>

And one more place to buy unusual stuff: <www.wishingfish.com>

The Security and Exchange Commission (SEC) has a Web page where you can check out your investment advisor: <www.adviserinfo.sec.gov/IAPD/Content/Search/iapd_OrgSearch.aspx>

If you are a Social Security recipient, you may look forward to a onetime stimulus payment of $250 probably by late May.  As Social Security Online <www.ssa.gov> indicates: "We will deliver your payment in the same way we currently deliver your Social Security or SSI benefit.  If we deliver your monthly benefit by check, we will deliver your one-time payment by check.&mnsp; If you receive a monthly direct deposit or Direct Express® debit card payment, that is how you will receive your one-time payment."

Factory-reconditioned or refurbished products are those that have been returned to an authorized factory service center and restored to meet original manufacturer quality standards.  Refurbishing may be as simple as replacing an electrical cord, or as major as replacing a hard drive on a computer.  These products carry a manufacturer warranty that is as good as the warranty on the item if it were new, and are usually repackaged like new.  They should also include the same accessories and manuals as would be included with new products.

You can buy refurbished items at savings up to 80 percent at RefurbDepot <www.refurbdepot.com> ("Factory Direct Outlet").  Here you can find items such as home theaters, portable digital music players, digital copiers, camcorders, and power tools.  But keep in mind that not every type of refurbished item is a good deal—especially computers, plasma TVs, and certain appliances.  Compare prices and features with the new version of the same item.


THE GOLDEN YEARS
by Billy Collins

All I do these drawn-out days
is sit in my kitchen at Pheasant Ridge
where there are no pheasants to be seen
and last time I looked, no ridge.

I could drive over to Quail Falls
and spend the day there playing bridge,
but the lack of a falls and the absence of quail would only remind me of Pheasant Ridge.

I know a widow at Fox Run
and another with a condo at Smokey Ledge.
One of them smokes, and neither can run, so I'll stick to the pledge I made to Midge.

Who frightened the fox and bulldozed the ledge?
I ask in my kitchen at Pheasant Ridge.


AND FINALLY, FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT

Q:  How many country singers does it take to replace a light bulb?

A:  Two, one to put in the light bulb and another to sing about how much he misses the old one.

*****

A telemarketer was taking a survey.  He told the woman on the line, "I represent a number of vaseline companies, and we're doing a survey of the many uses of vaseline in the home.  Would you mind taking a few moments and telling me how you use our product?"

She answered, "We use it for cuts, dry skin, chapped lips, and sex."

The marketer pushed on, "Uh, would you mind explaining how you use it for sex?"

"Simple.  I put it on the door-knob.  It keeps the kids out of the room."


C L A S S I F I E D  A D S
(Listed in order of receipt)

None this month.

[To have your free ad appear (for things to give away, to sell, to buy, etc.) in the next issue, please send to <len@winesland.net> before the first of the month.]


_______________________________________

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