Between Showers

Is summertime a good excuse for our false hopes?

by Victoria Manley

Not reaching your New Year's resolutions is the second worst self-downer there is.
Not reaching your Summer resolutions is the first.
Biannually, I sit down with my diary and make a list of things I want to accomplish. I always do it January, but then I return to school and slump back into the same old routine. After one month, I get behind in classes, start smoking and eat more.
So much for the New Year, and the new me.
But then spring rolls around, and I get a rejuvenated sense of hope. So come the resolutions once more.
Get more organized. Read all of the books I didn't read during my spring semester. Lose 10 pounds. Get a tan. Keep in touch with friends that moved. Eat healthy.
Of course, I have failed to reach any of those goals yet. But I intended to.
I've spoken to only one old friend. I haven't read any of those books I saved, but I'm well caught-up on the latest in "Days of Our Lives."
One morning, when I was feeling optimistic, I went to Huntington Beach, determined to start that summer tan. I was so optimistic, in fact, that I used a tanning oil with an SPF 0.
Real smart for a girl who hasn't been in the sun since puberty. I burned a nice, fiery red that turned all the boys' heads.
Why do we do this to ourselves? Who invented New Year's resolutions, anyway? It caught on because we all love to raise our hopes up and then crush them with our own two feet.
The only ones who are benefiting from these resolutions are health spas, gyms, weight loss programs and tanning booths.
Jenny Craig says she's always there for you, but I've noticed her commercial air-time has increased in between the daytime soaps.
And the tanning salons--they may not be cashing in now, but wait until August, when those fluorescent tubes of ultraviolet bear down on those guilty souls who never made it to the sacred beach to obtain those beautiful, golden tans.
The makers of SlimFast are selling their milkshake powder like crazy, and bottles of Sun-In and self-tanning cremes will disappear shortly.
Hey you entrepreneurs out there, listen up--I may have just given you the business opportunity of a lifetime. Why not take advantage of this situation?
Why not another holiday? Why not Mid-Year's Day?
That way, people across the country can all proudly announce their Mid-Year's resolutions, and none of us would be failing at them alone.
It comes down to the fact that summer is our most vulnerable time. Everyone walks into summer with goals to improve themselves so that they can impress their friends months from now.
But the reality is, we will continue to watch our soaps, barbeque with the guys and drink beer.
And then, when it's over, we'll say, "Next year, next year I'll get it right."