Searching for your father figure

oys need role models in their lives. This is a fact. Whether it be a father, stepfather, older brother, teacher, neighborhood leader, priest, minister or if worst comes to worst a sports hero, all men need a male role model in their lives to help them to grow as men and become better people in various ways.

Men are sometimes thought of as insensitive or too chauvinistic. Sometimes men develop problems in their adulthood if they are not raised with a proper, positive male influence in their lives. What role models can do for young men either in their childhoods, teenage years or young adulthood is teach them how to act responsibly and most importantly live their lives in a positive way.This in turn will lead others to look up to them as role models when they become adults themselves.

Personally, my father has been my greatest role model. He is the most honest, confident, respectable and kind man I have ever known and he has taught me things, some consciously and others perhaps indirectly, that I believe have allowed me to become a better man as I approach adulthood.

Some of my friends have also been blessed with such a symbiotic relationship with their fathers and or stepfathers. Others have looked up to their older brothers for help and knowledge. Either way, it is the life lessons an older male role model can provide for a young man that is the greatest gift of being one.

Though most men out there do indeed look up to one person or another as a role model throughout their childhoods, some do not have the benefit of a positive role model for one reason or another. These children sometimes grow up to become dark doppelgangers of whomever they did or did not look up to as children. It is a well-known fact that a child growing up in an abusive household will undoubtedly grow up to repeat those same mistakes exhibited by the perpetrator of such violence and or abuse.

In my case, I was blessed to have a role model whom I could look up to as a model of what the perfect man is. Not only did my father always treat his wife and children with the utmost respect and love, but he worked hard all of his life to provide for them in ways that some men out there, I'm sorry to say, cannot or will not.

He sacrificed things to raise his children in a healthy, positive environment and the lessons he taught me about being confident, responsible and thoughtful will live with me forever. I hope to some day pass on to my children those same positive traits that he has passed on to me.

Older brothers can also serve as positive male role models for those who may lack one in a father figure. Some older siblings do bear a certain amount of burden and responsibility, especially if they are the first born in a family. The ancient tradition of the first born son being held up high on a pedestal to either carry on the family's name or even become the next king to his father's throne is a perfect example of this.

In today's modern age of unstable households and families, however, older brothers must sometimes bear the responsibility of helping to raise their younger siblings where their fathers cannot. Again, I was blessed with an older brother who served not only as a positive role model but also taught me many things about life through his accomplishments and even his mistakes. He has taught me lessons about how to live my life that I will never forget and that I am eternally grateful for.

Whether it be intentional or not, role models must know that what they do day in and day out, including what they say and how they act, has an effect on those who look up to them. Sports heroes are sometimes, unfortunately, some children's last resorts for an older male figure to grow up alongside following and idealizing. When this occurs, it can be dangerous because they do not have the same personal, direct relationship with their fans that idolize them and thus sometimes make decisions in their own lives that they do not know will in one way or another affect their younger fans.

In today's age of divorce and impersonal relationships between family members, role models are becoming increasingly less and less available. Yet they remain more and more important to the future of our society. If young men are to grow up and become responsible, caring and intelligent men, they need some form of a role model in their lives early on. They cannot learn on their own or through a television set.

Whether it be an older brother who goes through the ropes and teaches them what to do and what not to do, or a father figure that teaches young men how to live decent, respectable lives, decent male role models are needed more than ever in this day and age.

John Burgoon is a sophomore majoring in creative writing.

Copyright 2000 by the Daily Trojan. All rights reserved.
This article was published in Vol. 139, No. 61 (Wednesday, April 19, 2000), beginning on page 4 and ending on page 5.