Relationship abuse common among youth

By BETH COOMBS
Contributing Writer

ith one out of every 10 teenagers a victim of relationship violence, the Young Women's Christian Association is sponsoring a three-day series on campus to raise awareness of abusive relationships of all ages.

"We tend to think of adults (in relationship violence)," said Sharon Shelton, Senior Program Manager for YWCA. "Teens aren't lumped into that category."

Yet she estimates that more than 40 percent of college students are in some form of an abusive relationship.

"We have to open our eyes," she said. "We have teenagers in very abusive relationships."

While the Center for Women and Men would not release statistics of abuse on campus, its director, Elizabeth Davenport, said that she regularly deals with abused students.

The YWCA series "Drawing the Line Against Violence" is hosting speakers, plays and discussions to promote non-violence in the community. It continues today and Thursday with events at the Davidson Conference Center.

Dr. Jill Murray, who worked in an Orange County domestic violence shelter for two years, said during a presentation Tuesday that women first typically engage in domestic relationships in high school and college. College students have a horrendous view of what makes up a healthy relationship, she said, adding that one-third of college freshman say they have been sexually abused by someone they knew.

"I was walking around campus and seeing what I am talking about today," she told the audience. "I just wanted to grab them and make them listen to this talk."

The signs

The warning signs of an abusive relationship include public humiliation, constant demands, persistent criticism, isolation from family and friends, destroying property, physical violence or sexual abuse. However, the most prominent form of abuse is emotional, which is hard to define.

According to the Melrose Alliance Against Violence, abusive relationships typically start out with verbal put-downs, then slowly escalate into physical violence. A "Honeymoon Phase" of flowers and gifts will transform into verbal and physical abuse and then return to apologies and gifts, Murray said.

Such abuse could begin when a man or woman suggests how a partner should wear his or her hair but soon escalates into other forms of control, Murray said.

"There is a common misconception that if you don't have a broken arm or black eye it's not abuse." she said. "But physical abuse is only the smallest part of it."

Although women are victims in 85 percent of relationship violence cases, men are also victims. Same-gender domestic violence accounts for more than 10,000 homicides per year, according to the Los Angeles Gay and Lesbian Center, In addition, the number of men being abused in heterosexual relationships is on the rise, Murray said.

Alcohol also plays a role in relationship violence, she said. Alcohol and/or drugs are involved in 70 percent of all domestic violence incidents, according to the Los Angeles Gay and Lesbian Center.

Ending cycle of violence

Given the risk for abuse in college relationships, the Center for Women and Men offers counseling to students and has helped them obtain restraining orders, move residences and change phone numbers. The center also refers students to the Violence Intervention Program on the Health Sciences Campus.

All of services are confidential and no reports are filled, Davenport said, adding that she does not need to know a student's name to help them.

Many young women stay in abusive relationships because they are ashamed, they lack self-esteem or they don't realize something is wrong, Murray said. Often times their parents do not provide a positive example of how relationships should work, as almost 90 percent of people in prison grew up in abusive homes.

While friends of an abused individual may want to help, Shelton said it is most important to be understanding.

"It's so frustrating to be on the other side," she said. "We must be supportive. Even though we might want to be, we can't be judgmental."

Murray echoed this sentiment, saying the best way to help an individual in an abusive relationship is to talk to them about behavior and not their feelings.

"Listening to your heart is stupid," she said. "Your heart is for pumping blood. It's your brain that is supposed to make decisions."

The YWCA's series will continue today with a stage performance of "Yellow Dress," a one-woman play about her struggle to survive and overcome a controlling and abusive relationship, at noon in the Davidson Conference Center. A panel of experts in the field of relationship violence will speak at noon on Thursday in the center.

For more information, contact the USC Center for Women and Men at (213) 764-4900, the USC Student Counseling Services at (213) 740-7711 or the Los Angeles County Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-978-3600.

Copyright 2000 by the Daily Trojan. All rights reserved.
This article was published in Vol. 141, No. 36 (Wednesday, October 18, 2000), beginning on page 1 and ending on page 18.